Well, we've done it again. In addition to murdering Palestinian children and using their blood to make matzoh, our detractors have now added two novel charges to the list of Israeli calumnies against mankind. Not only are we unremittingly accused of being cruel to the poor Palestinians, we have now been charged with abusing Nature's creatures. Please read the two dispatches below, one appearing in December, 2010, the other in January, 2011. Please refrain from laughing.Our accusers accept the validity of these charges with the same conviction that many of us accept the veracity of the Bible!
Egyptian Official Blames Mossad for Sinai Shark Attacks
by Gil Ronen
Egypt's Governor of southern Sinai lays the blame for recent shark attacks on Israel's foreign intelligence agency, the Mossad. Southern Sinai Governor Abed Al-Fadij said: “We must not discount the possibility that Mossad threw the shark into the sea, in order to attack tourists who are having fun in Sharm al-Sheikh.”
"Mossad is trying to hurt Egyptian tourism in any way possible, and the shark is one way for it to realize its plan,” he explained.
Last Thursday, Egyptians killed two sharks that were suspected in a series of attacks on bathers. One of the sharks was 2.1 meters long and weighed 150 kg. The other was 30 centimeters longer and weighed 250 kg.
In the last few days, Egypt has lifted the ban on bathing that was issued after four Russian tourists were attacked by sharks.
The governor of Egypt's South Sinai province, Mohamed Abdul Fadil Shousha, suggested the spy agency may have had a hand in a string of deadly shark attacks off the coast of the Sharm el-Sheikh resort. He said it was "not out of the question" that Mossad had put the killer shark in the area.
The Israeli foreign ministry dismissed that allegation, saying the governor "must have seen Jaws one time too many, and confuses fact and fiction".
December 7, 2010
While most Americansbegan their morning by commemorating the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, the Israel Mossad decided to come clean with regard to Egyptian allegations that Israeli-trained sharks had been intentionally released into the waters near Sharm al-Sheik in order to cripple Egypt's tourism industry.
The Mossad decided to make public the identity of the shark, Sammy, and his trainer,Shen Gadol. Photos of Sammy as well as an interview with Sammy and Shen were also released to the media.
When JP reporter Aqua Masticator caught up with Sammy, he asked the intrepid Mossad agent several questions:
Q. Do you have any moral reservations about your work?
A. Not really. My assignments afford me a great opportunity to
mix withpeople of all ages.
Q. Does your work ever exhaust you physically?
A. Never. I'm a shark, remember, and my species must
continuously eat and swim or we drown. In Sharm al-
Shieikh there is alwaysplenty to eat.
Q. Do you attack all tourists or just Arab vacationers?
A. Just the Arab ones.
Q. How can you differentiate between the Arab and Israeli
A. This information is classified.
Finally, our reporter threw some questions at Shen Gadol, Sammy's trainer.
Q. Was training Sammy very difficult?
A. Not really.He already had a predator's instinct before he
was recruited by the Mossad.
Q. Why did the Mossad select a male, as opposed to a female
A. It was believed that I would relate better to a male student.
Q. Since sharks live a very long time, will Sammy ever be
A. Probably not. For his next assignment we are sending
Sammy into Iran's territorial waters. He is quite eager to
devour the Tenth Salmon.
5 January 2011Last updated at 14:39 GMT
Saudi Arabia 'detains' Israeli vulture for spying
Griffon Vultures can soar at up to 11,000 metres (36,100 ft) above sea level. A perfect vantage point?
Saudi Arabian officials have "detained" a vulture on accusations of being a spy for Israel, media reports say. The griffon vulture was carrying a GPS transmitter bearing the name of TelAvivUniversity, prompting rumors it was part of a "Zionist plot".
Israeli wildlife officials dismissed the claims as ludicrous and expressed concern about the bird's fate.
Last month, Egyptian officials implied the Israeli spy agency Mossad was to blame for shark attacks off its coast.
The vulture, which can have a wing span of up to 265cm (8ft 8in), was caught after it landed in the desert city of Hyaal a few days ago. When locals discovered the GPS transmitter, they suspected the worst and handed the transmitter and the vulture over to the security forces, said Israel's Ma'ariv newspaper.
Conspiracy theories quickly began circulating in Saudi newspapers and on websites that the bird was involved in espionage.
Israeli officials told Ma'ariv they were "stunned" by the allegations and concerned that the bird could meet a horrible punishment in the notoriously severe Saudi justice system.
An unnamed officialIsraeliPark and Nature Authority employee commented that "The device does nothing more than receive and store basic data about the bird's whereabouts, and about his altitude and speed," a bird specialist at Israel's Park and Nature Authority told the newspaper. The employee further noted that the data would be used to improve understanding of the endangered species' behaviour.
The Park and Nature Authority spokesman also claimed that the Saudi photo is a fake because the vulture in question does not bare any resemblance to the real Nesher Tame who is a Mossad agent. The Israeli Government has, nonetheless, begun to circulate posters demanding the bird's unconditional release.
"Now, this poor bird is paying a terrible price because of a mistaken identity. That's very sad," said the an unnamed avian expert. "I hope they release the poor thing."
The vulture is the latest animal to be accused of being an unwitting Mossad operative.